ODIN

The title of this post really has nothing to do with its subject. "What is the subject?"..you may ask? Well i don't know yet but I think it will come to me soon. In the meantime I write whatever I damn well please! For instance... I may say something like"Gut-Bucket!" You may think I am referring to a loose woman but I am actually referring to a unit for disposal of guts. I don't think of you as stupid for thinking this way, I just think you to be less fortunate! You may look at the picture and wonder why there is an emaciated little piggy there. That would be a great question and I'll try to provide a great answer. What if my answer was "vlomice". That word doesn't even exist but i used it anyway. I have complete control of this post.. If you have read this much of it you are either very bored or you can eat corn on the cob through a picket fence! I go on a business trip tomorrow so I will have more diablog and pics from my adventure!! Hawwhawww!

Keyboard in the Ignition

Of course I'm an excellent driver. No money to fix or legally operate my car, but I'm leading the race in fantasy NASCAR!! But don't worry, I'll make a pit stop to tell yall about my high-motor experiences.

See I was racing and then people need to stop complaining about freedom and exercise it, like police do when they arrest me, or like the secret police do spying on the regular police, or like a bill collector trying to impale me on a checkered flag.

And then this one guy misses pit road and blames it on the government!! You believe that?! Who does he mean anyway?? Damn near everybody governs somehow sometimes, like this homeless dude I saw telling a cop-on-a-horse to buzz off. Or maybe he was talking to the flies swarming around the horse, or his head, or in my helmet. Either way, governance...government.

I smell like burnt rubber, not money. Ask Rolf.

The Love is Overwhelming

Alright, Calm down I am back with a new blog. I thank all the little people out there that have been submitting requests for a new entry on my life and my thoughts. Its overwhelming the fan mail, the roses, and the one set of flesh colored panties from Mrs. Thelma Rosenberg, a 76 years young lady from Scottsdale AZ. (Oh they smell like I am running through a meadow of beautiful daffodils covered in gorilla ejaculate). Now I know that I can't write on this every minute of the day like you guys are requesting but I swear to get a blog out every couple of days, unless I don't then it will be longer than that. Take this letter from Cathy Reynolds from upstate New York when she writes.."Hector can you please send me your discarded hair clippings and also your tooth-brushing spittle, so I can bathe in them while I listen to All Night Long from Lionel Richie". I wish I could do this for you Cathy but the shipping would be outrageous and plus I already bathe in those things myself. As for the choice of Lionel Richie, I applaude your taste for the finer things in life, there is nothing like the sweet sounds of late 80's Passion Ballads. Now although fans are what drive this Mazda Miada of blogs, I am not all that interested in fulfilling the wishes of young gay men. I can only write about what I know, and I do not know that much about the gay world, I mean I havent been in that circle for at least 6-8 months (I have just gotten that salty taste out of my mouth, plus I still have nightmares of that wild night that I ended up in the hospital getting my stomach pumped from filming the movie "These Pipes are Clean"). I appreciate your appreciation and please continue to send in your appreciation letters(I love that word almost as much as I love myslef, I am the best by the way). I will end this like I end all my blogs with words of wisdom from wise people. "Oh! Franklin those crutches wont fit in me, but dont stop!!!"... Eleanor Roosevelt

When Hell Comes to Frogtown!

As I pulled into Frogtown, Florida today, I was greeted by a plethora of these strange warning signs. What was even more strange were the citizens. Why were they naked or dressed in old suits and dresses? Why were they dirty and/or bleeding? Why were some missing limbs and vital organs? Why were they biting one another? I decided to stop and investigate the "happenings". I rolled-up on a chap who seemed pre-occupied with some lady who was taking a nap on the side-walk. I asked the fellow his name and he grunted at me! I think he was drunk because as he shambled to the car, he stumbled a bit and then vomited blood on my hood! He tried to open the door of my car so I cracked the window and asked directions to the nearest gas station! I was running very low on gas and really didn't want to get stranded here...(It seemed to be the bad side of town!) It was then I realized the problem.... THEY WERE RUDE AND DIDN'T SEEM TO LIKE OUTSIDERS! I pulled forward and I think ran over his foot. He didn't seem to mind so I kept going. They don't have strict jay-walking laws in this town because it seemed the entire town was milling around in the street. They wouldn't move so I had to, more-or-less, slalom between the citizens taking care not to hit any of them. They must of had some street-party that got out of hand because there were police cars and buildings on fire. "What a bunch of drunks", I thought to myself. "It's 10:00am and these people are hammered! It will be a cold-day in Hell before I ever come back to this shit-hole!"

Cheese Plug

Here's the thing...Easy Cheese is really good. The problem is that nasty little crusty cheese plug that forms in the spout even if you cover it. Seriously, even if you leave it in the cabinet, covered, for 3 minutes, the nasty cheese plug simply appears. There's really no way around it. If you're not careful, that little cheese plug can take your eyeball out while causing you to waste valuable easy cheese. Imagine if this same type of phenomena occured in urethra. Hello...kidney stone or cheese plug? I'll take the Easy Cheese Plug every time.

The Start of Many

Well, Well, Well it has begun. Finally a place where I can express my passions, my dreams, and also my love of French Agrarian architecture. It is 1:00 pm now and I still cannot stay awake, so I am fitting in nicely to the unemployment way of life. I am noticing more people like me now on the street and out and about. I am feeling a sudden connection with the "unemployed"(a very rude way the educated people call us). I even found the urge to empty out my trashcan and light it ablaze to keep warm, but I decided not to because I am so warm in my fully heated home. I am thinking about going to my nearest soup kitchen and joining my com padres in a nice meal. But the thing that is keeping me from going is that I am so full from my hearty breakfast and plus I am not really interested on sipping a warm bowl of urine. I mean when I volunteered at the soup kitchen when I was younger I used to urine in a bowl and serve it to those miscreants. Well as I am getting used to this new way of life I will leave you with a saying from the famous Ray Parker Jr. when he said " Bustin' makes me feel good."

I met John Wayne when I had John Wayne!

I met John Wayne at the airport on my way home from a business trip to the Andes Mountains. I sold 4 truck-loads of super-soakers and slinkees to the locals. Anywho! He ended-up being a Chinese spy and one hell of a grappler. When it was all said and done, we both had extended hospital stays and lots of Jello. I wonder if our paths will ever cross again??..If they do..I will be ready and waiting...with a gun!!!