Whisper

So many of my readers have been asking me, "Rolf, if thou were a half shark-alligator, half man, and thou could arrange the various anatomical parts of the three subspecies to thou's liking in order to build thyself, how wouldst thou arrange thyself?" First, let me be very clear in stating that I do not appreciate old england speak...and that I haven't the foggiest idea why taz become so popular. However, the question has peaked my interest in said subject of "cross speciesization. " Additionally, I presume that answering this question will reduce my fan-mail by at least three hundred pieces daily, leaving me more moonlit eves to study the effects of intelligent crossbreeding of scorpupines and whipporwhales on nutrient availablity for fledgling seal-goats in post glacial East Germany all the while pleasuring my lover with heavy petting and the occasional flicker of the tongue against her throbbing crotch tonsil. Alas, I shall reply to the inquiries of my inspiration by first mentioning that a half shark-alligator, half man is exactly what the name implies: Roughly one quarter shark, one quarter alligator, and one half man. Due to anticryptogramatic genetic rounding error, it is virtually impossible to create such a species in perfect proportion, but there is enough spinal fluid to go around...so relax and read on...Teeth and Jaws: I will take some of the teeth of the alligator. They are smaller and more manageable than the shark's teeth but just as capable of tearing young sea otters from their lazy beds of kelp. I will also take the human molars as I thoroughly enjoy Autumn berry picking, and of course the associated noshing, at the Lake of the Ozarks with my miniature spotted spoonhound, James. Lastly, I will need the regenerative properties of the shark's teeth as I imagine I will fall victim to the occasional mouthful of small brown river rock and silt while chasing finger mullet, the perfect late afternoon snack. Disclaimer: I will consume manatee, but not in large volume. Head shape: Definitely alligator. I need room for all of my teeth, and I want them straight, not in jagged rows like the shark. A gleaming smile of pearly whites is important in all cultures and I will be heavily involved as a philanthropist in all three: shark, alligator, and human. I have only scratched the surface and promise to continue my selections later as my readers have now resigned to their own imaginations of the power and grace I have thus far described...and as a result are most likely now involved in heavy nasal air whisping, light pecking, and eyelash dragging with their lovers. Take your time all you lovers of the fruit of the human form...tickle the toes of your mate...a touch of the tongue to the neck...a meeting of the lips...a light breath in the ear...caress the soul...and please take your time...The candlelight will flicker once...it's just me...the wind as I resign my post atop your imagination, and make my leave...I'll be not gone for long.